her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
