I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mom said you looked used
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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