I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
