everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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