you guys were way drunker than both of me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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