seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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