I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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