We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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