hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
