my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it because I queefed?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Boobs speak an international language.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
