I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
