mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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