My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
