Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
