i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I can't turn off my feet"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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