So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
