I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
