I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
