I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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