the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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