I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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