I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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