Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
