I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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