Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
