i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
