We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
