So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
