i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My feet surprised me
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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