I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize