I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize