farters have to be the big spoon...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize