I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I think people are normalizing furries
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
