R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We need to rekindle our bromance
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
