exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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