oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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