Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
