apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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