make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
