i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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