I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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