Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
