I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
