I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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