he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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