I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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