Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
