VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
