New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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