this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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