Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
