David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
