she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
