Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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