Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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