i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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