Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
