Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
