im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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