dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
