I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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