its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
