chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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