rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
