I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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