Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
