Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
