I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
