i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need a beard to bite.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
