i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
