using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
